Mattykun

Right now.

This very moment.

Someone is dying.  

Someone has just died.

At this second, a fellow human being has breathed their last breathe, swallowed the last pill, sliced their skin a final time. They have given up their conscious existence for the promise of an eternal paradise. Willingly or not. Because everyone will die. Everyone is already dying. Every single second. As you grow and age, the biological clock strikes ominous seconds. Every breathe takes you closer to the end. Don't be alarmed, it's not individual. You are not special or different. This is happening to everyone. Every race from everywhere on the planet. Men, women, children. Infants. The rich and the poor, the young and the old. They all hurdle closer and closer to their end. The faces and stories change, but one fact remains absolute. One singular, final truth about death. There is not a thing you can do about it.

I know this, so why can't I stop believing you're still here Matt? I've heard the news story. Everyone says you're dead. The police took you out. The ones you always told me could never catch you. Liar. Apparently they thought you were dangerous Matty. That's why they took their guns and shot your poor body full of holes. Holes that even I can't heal.  

I can't stop picturing your body. Limp. Bloody. Slumped against that car you love so much. I bet you're still sucking on one of those damn cancer sticks aren't you? Those would have taken you out eventually I guess. If I hadn't gotten you killed first.  

I wonder what they'll do with you Matt? Will you get buried? An unknown soldier in a land of strangers? Or will you just be dumped in a river to be forgotten?

I won't forget you Matt. I won't forget the way you held me in the dark hours of the early morning. When I'd wake up screaming imagining that damn explosion, you would be there. To comfort me when nothing else could. You even saved me from myself. Before you I relied on food, my only solace were the pounds of chocolate I shoved down my throat. You brought me up from rock bottom and asked for nothing in return.  

Do you remember that one night? In early fall? We fought about nothing important and I stormed out like a three year old. You found me laying facedown in a gutter, drunk as all hell. When you carried me back to your apartment, barely able to hold me up, that's when I knew. I knew I loved you. I knew it could only ever be you. I'm so sorry Mattykun. I'm so sorry I led you to your death. Chasing after a stupid man in my own selfishness. Failing and leaving you to pick me back up again. I'm so sorry that I could never be good to you. That you never realized your feelings were being answered.  

My angel. My guardian angel. I won't believe you're gone. No, I'll never forget you. Mattykun. My savior. Mail. I love you.  

- Mello